Toxic Messages

I discarded a very toxic message recently, one that had been rattling around my brain for upwards of 25 years. It was so deeply embedded, I didn’t even realise I was still carrying it around, despite my years of fat acceptance and fat activism.

It came – as many of the toxic messages in my life have – courtesy of my step-father. He who gave me the demoralising puffy-lettered “I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me” shirt. He of the undermining “You’ll never be Twiggy” sideswipe. He whom I no longer let into my life because of his continued toxic actions and toxic words in very many arenas.

So you’d think I’d have discarded this message along with his other bullshit.

But no.

Want to hear it? This thing I’ve unconsciously been allowing to guide my thoughts and fashion choices since I was 14 or 15?

“You can’t wear belts. You look like a sack tied around the middle.”

Hey, arsehole. Fuck you!

I limited myself with my buy-in to this bullshit rule, despite priding myself on not following the accepted fashion rules for fatties. I wear stripes. I wear patterns. I have no fear of bare arms. I wear my sexy bikini on the beach with pride.

But I steered clear of belts.

Because of an offhand comment 25 years ago from a proven dickhead who probably forgot he’d ever said it two minutes later.

But there’s an upside.

I’ve recently rediscovered belts and, therefore, a whole range of fashion looks that were previously (in my head) off limits.

I’m wearing a belt today with a cute little dress. And I look hot.

Fuck the toxic messages.

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5 Responses to “Toxic Messages”


  1. 1 Ashley Tuesday, 13 September 2011 at 8:07 pm

    I’m terribly sorry you had to deal with that message. Good for you for wearing belts now. I’m sure you are rocking them.

  2. 2 Emerald Wednesday, 14 September 2011 at 3:41 am

    I got ‘You look like a bag tied up in the middle’ from my mother whenever I wore a belt with anything that wasn’t tailored (and I seem to recall my father adopting it from her at some time in my teens).

    I’ve now gotten to the stage where I wear whatever the hell I want in the knowledge that actually, I don’t look like a bag, tied up or not, I look like a person. As we all do, whatever our size. Enjoy your belts!

  3. 3 Five Hundred Pound peep Wednesday, 14 September 2011 at 4:07 am

    Forget that, I wore a belt at 600lbs. Seriously…I did. I had this big blue dress that was too long, heffed it up and put a belt on it–metal chain silver belts–two plus sized ones hooked together. I want to find a belt now for a dress I got that is huge. I believe break all fashion rules especially when fat, we have different rules then the thin.

  4. 4 notblueatall Wednesday, 14 September 2011 at 7:04 am

    Fuck yeah! I started wearing belts recently after being inspired by awellrundedventure.com and Lesley Kinsel…I wear ’em all of the time now! I thin I avoided dresses for similar reasons. Ugh! We have no control over how or what things stick with us, but once we realize it, thank the stars we can just walk away from them! Congrats~! You rock!

  5. 5 sleepydumpling Saturday, 17 September 2011 at 2:03 pm

    I hear you – I got a lot of those comments too, about how my body shape was unacceptable and “made worse” by certain clothes. Right from when I was a little kid. Disgusting.

    Nowdays I rock whatever pleases me and screw anyone else’s opinion!


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