John has been in Melbourne since Thursday last week to take down an exhibition and do some art networking. I miss him, but you know what? It’s good to have some time to myself. Just me. Well, me and the cats.
Now, I’m definitely an introvert, and one of the things about introverts is that they are refreshed by solitude and drained by people, whereas extroverts are the other way around. So for me, having no solitude is devastating. I need me-time (solitude) to ‘re-charge’, particularly when the D hits. Solitude can even help prevent the Ds.
This was all well and good when John was chefing; I’d often have nights or even weekends to myself. I’d read, or potter around the house, or go out, or blog, or whatever. It wasn’t vacant time, it was me-time and I felt refreshed by it. Of course, John and I would then have to log in some ‘quality’ time on Sundays or on the odd night he wasn’t working. We’d have to make our time together count.
These days, though, I feel like I scarcely get a moment alone. This is probably exacerbated by the fact that we have a large open-plan warehouse; wherever you are in it, you are still (pretty much) in the same room as the other person. But the facts are that I am either at work with other people all day, or I am spending time with John at home (and sure, I want to spend time with him, too. But just not all the time.)
Maybe that is a bit unfair. It’s certainly incomprehensible to John (who is an extrovert), and I know he finds it hurtful, too – as if saying that I need some time alone is a rejection of him. It isn’t. Still, it’s what I feel.
We need to find a new post-chefing balance that works for both of us and our relationship. One where I get the solitude I need, and we get to spend time together in a non-stressful, quality way.