What Depression Feels Like

This is something I wrote a while ago. but didn’t put on the blog.

Depression affects me in the following ways:

  • I feel blank, empty and hollow.
  • I can’t deal with anything out of the ordinary.
  • Noises seem too loud.
  • People seem pushy and rude, or cold and rejecting.
  • Even the easiest task seems insurmountable and stressful.
  • I feel like crying most of the time, although tears only flow when I have really ‘cracked’.
  • I am snappish and irritable.
  • There seems to be too much going on around me – too much stimulus, too much activity, too much everything.
  • I feel drained by being around people and neglected when I am alone.
  • All I really want is “to be left alone” so that I can “unwind”… but when I am alone, I feel just as bad.
  • Nothing interests me – not even things I used to be madly enthusiastic about.
  • Nothing holds my attention.
  • Nothing seems worth the energy.
  • Nothing helps.
  • Nothing is right.
  • Sometimes getting out of bed and brushing my teeth is too much to deal with.
  • I can’t speak or think properly.
  • I can’t think of the word that comes next in the sentence that I am speaking even though I knew it a moment ago.
  • I forget my train of thought.
  • I say one word and mean another.
  • I walk and talk and smile… but it all feels false.
  • I can’t believe that others can’t see past the “smiley mask” to the pain that I am experiencing.
  • Sometimes I can’t make myself go out the door or answer the phone.
  • It seems like the pain and the emptiness will never go away.

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October 2004
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