Not the Knot!

There have been a lot of words bandied about recently about gay marriage. The Vatican and Bush have had their say, and even little Johnny has voiced his opinion (“Um, what George said.”).

Marriage, as we are told, is intended (by god) for procreation. In addition to being a slap in the face of same sex couples, that concept must also be a slap in the face to any heterosexual couples who are trying unsuccessfully to have children.

But if wedlock is a social tool for the conception and raising of children, surely we must apply that rule to every marriage? We should, therefore, legislate that each and every couple who intend to walk down the ailse must sign an affidavit stating that to their knowledge they are physically able to have children and intend to begin trying for pregnancy with 12 months of their marriage.

Now that would leave people who, through infertility, sterilisation, menopause or some other reason, can’t have children out in the cold. But that’s a small price to pay for social stability, right? Your Granny might meet the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, but tough cheddar; since she can no longer have kids, she can’t tie the knot. That’s fair, right?

And as for those social deviants who choose not to have children, well they definitely won’t be able to marry. After all, marriage confers benefits and rights that should only be available to potential breeders, right?

Damn it, if we don’t do something, pretty soon we’ll be treating everyone the same – and we can’t have that.


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August 2003
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