I haven’t written about my moods and their ups and downs for some time (at least, that’s how it appears to me) and right now, at 2.42am, I am feeling pretty darned low. Oh, sure, feeling low is nothing new around here, but I am feeling significantly lower than I have been the last few days.

Why? I am not sure.

THEORY 1 – Perhaps it’s because I have had a busy week…I have done much more over the past week than I have in a while and maybe I’ve hit the wall of my endurance.

THEORY 2 – Perhaps I’m simply “peopled out”. I get that way at times. Most of the time in fact. I don’t really feel like I am 100% me when I am with other people. I do sometimes get anxiety attacks (at my worst, even in small groups with people I am comfortable with), but although I am avoiding larger gatherings as a rule, I have been coping better than in a while. For example there were maybe 20 strangers at the land healing last Sunday night, and although the concept spun me out a bit, the reality was OK (although I didn’t speak to many people).

Toting up what I did this week, maybe it’s not surprising that I am feeling exhausted and flat. Bear in mind that this is a big deal for a socially phobic depressed person such as myself.

  • Travelled up to the Central Coast by train on Sunday.
  • Attended a land healing ceremony on Sunday night with around 20 people there in addition to my family.
  • Stayed until Tuesday evening with my family, cooked muffins (packet mix) and helped my sister make pumpkin soup.
  • Went to the opthamologist on Wednesday.
  • Had a facial on Wednesday!!
  • Went to my therapist on Thursday (first time in a while)
  • Friday – rested mainly.
  • Saturday – visited art galleries, then over to a friends place for dinner.

    That’s quite a lot for reclusive little old me to get through, so i think Theory 1 and Theory 2 both have merit.

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    June 2002
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