Joy, joy! Bliss, bliss! I was diagnosed yesterday with a degenerative eye disease called Keratconus. Which basically seems to mean that my corneas are cone shaped, or in the case of my right eye, cone-shaped and covered with scar tissue which causes bumps and wrinkles (my right eye is worse than my left, by the way). From what I understand, the cornea thins in a certain layer which means another layer bulges through. This affects how the light is focused on the retina, since basically it acts as scattering the light. All of which adds up to:
- Blergh #1 – My new glasses, which I was relying on to relieve my eyestrain and headaches, will only improve my eyesight by 4% in my left eye and none at all in my right. Since my eyesight is shitty already that doesn’t mean much and the optometrist basically said that that was the best that he could do, since glasses correct how the light shines on the retina, but my problem is with the cornea. And he said that he wasn’t going to bother with a new prescription for my right lens, as my left eye is doing all the work anyway, and my right eye isn’t improved no matter what lens is in front of it.
- Blergh #2 – Future treatment options are hard contact lenses to try and mitigate the cone shaped cornea. Oh, did I mention that you have to wear glasses in addition to the contacts! Now since I can’t even tolerate soft contacts, that is most likely going to FAIL, which leaves…..
- Blergh #3 – The peice de resistance once hard contacts are ruled out as either not tolerated or not improving vision, basically the only option left is cornea transplant. Fuck! That’s scary. You have to have part of a dead person’s eyeball sutured to your eyeball, and the stitches may or may not be removed. Even if the transplant is sucessful, in most cases people still find that they have to wear rigid contact lenses and glasses. If they are part of the few that don’t, you still have to be extremely carefull not to knock the eye, or the cornea transplant can come straight off. Jesus on a broomstick!!
Is this what my life has been reduced to? Suffering depression on a daily basis, putting up with shitty side-effects so that I don’t feel like killing myself every single day, what seems to be an inevitability of pathetically reduced eyesight (some people go legally blind) with treatments that have limited sucess, probably having to have super thick glasses and uncomfortable contact lenses, that may improve my eyesight a little but not much. And if I am in the unlucky 10% another person’s cornea sutured to my eyeball.
Is it really worth living? Don’t worry, Mum, nothing is going to happen….Just venting (OK????)