Bloody hell. My concentration is getting worse. Since about this time last week, I have not been able to get anything done at work because my brains feel like mush. I really don’t know what to do. I caught up with my therapist yesterday and talked about some things, but nothing has been solved, and I really don’t feel like I can function anymore. And I feel trapped, because I don’t feel like I have any options to fix the situation I feel like I am of no use at work, but stopping work or having time off is not a possibility. I feel like I am at breaking point, but I can’t stop. I am sick with depression, but having time off is not an option. I can’t quit work, because then what would happen. There is no solution to my problem.
This whole thing – the depression, the work situation – is so frustrating. Medication makes me acutely anxious (and only slightly alleviates the depression), so that is not a solution. Aromatherapy has helped, but does not appear to be helping any longer.
The only thing I can think of that has changed recently is that I have used up all my leave (at my manager’s insistence). Before, I was scheduling leave every few weeks, and that served as a safety valve. I guess I’ll have to see what happens.